before we get too deep, let's cover some a couple things. i was raised a christian and despite some of the church's best attempts to get rid of me, i remain one today. i just graduated from seminary and i've worked in a local church. none of these three elements of my life in any way makes me an expert on all things christian. if anything they've only blurred my understanding of the role the church plays in the lives of its members. however, these experiences have afforded me the opportunity to wrestle with the questions of church for a long time and i guess it's time i got some of it out there.
if there's one thing i can point to that proves problematic to the church more than anything else it is expansion. there's this sense of manifest destiny in the american church. every church is supposed to grow, every denomination is supposed to grow, every pastor is supposed to get every person in their doors, and unless this happens, someone is not happy. that someone is usually not happy because someone else is telling them that they need to have more people or do more things and get more money. oh no, i said it. money.
while some may say money is the root of all evil, i tend to think its just the root of everything. without money expansion is not possible. and if expansion is not possible, then church in america is up the creek without a paddle.
g. jeffrey macdonald, a minister in the united church of christ, wrote an insightful article a couple of weeks ago for the new york times on the issue of pastor burnout in the american church. he effectively argued that pastor burnout is the result of over zealous, needy, and uniformed congregants who constantly pressure pastors for more engaging sermons and to be at the beck and call of each member of their flock. my experience tells me that macdonald is right. my pastor friends will probably agree.
but there is an element conspicuous in its absence from macdonald's estimation and all those who decided to share is assessment on facebook, twitter and the like. what's missing?
the willingness to say no on occasion.
macdonald and other pastors around the nation take their position to be one that does not afford them such an opportunity. they operate under the assumption that it is never healthy to blame oneself. it is easy to pass the buck to the congregants who ask for certain things and wish their pastor was at every function and meeting, kissing babies, shaking hands, and always praying before meals. it is very easy to say that it is their fault for the undue stress placed on pastors these days. it is much more difficult to say no.
it is difficult to say no because most pastors are people-pleasers who want nothing more than to be liked. forget being respected or trusted, being liked is the name of the game.
even more so, than the need to be liked, however, it is difficult to say no because doing so may halt expansion plans. there is this sense of fear that if someone hears the word no, they will turn away from the community and go somewhere that will say yes to them. pastors are afraid that a no will turn into a big yes for someone else thus limiting their pool for expansion. and we all know what a great quality of life living in fear brings about.
why are our "congregations gone wild," to use macdonald's title? because like children who have never heard the word no, they have no reason but to think that you will say yes to their requests. because of the constant yes, yes, yes that congregants have heard for so long, pastors have forgotten how to say no at all.
forgetting to say no, means forgetting to establish boundaries between one's self, one's responsibilities, one's sanity, and others. no you do not have to be all things to all people, pastor. if you really believe what you were ordained into, you'd think that responsibility fell to god alone. pastors and their superiors have locked themselves on this expansion train that has no feasible destination in sight, and because they have lost the willingness to say no, not because it feels good to say no, but because it is sometimes the healthiest response for all involved, they are burning out in record numbers.
what is the solution, then? i won't be shortsighted and say, "just say no," but i think that is a good starting point. i think it's high time we started recognizing that butts in seats do not disciples make and that numbers are just that: numbers. leave the number crunching to folks who didn't feel a call to be in relationship with people and to guide them through thick and thin. religious beliefs, and this goes beyond christianity, are not bound up in how many parents of young children are in any given congregation or what percentage of the congregation is capable of tithing enough to make up for those who can't or don't. they are about relationships.
pastors feel such a call (at least i think they should). and being the arbiters of relationships of all kinds they must recognize that healthy relationships have boundaries. not even the most intimate of partners know everything about one another nor do they spend every moment in one another's presence.
yes, your number may fall and others may grow, but that might not be such a bad thing. it may mean that everyone is finding god where they need to be or realizing they were missing the point all along.
you want to fill up the old houston rockets arena or build a church campus that rivals most small towns in america? that's fine. just realize that growth is not equal to the number assents you make, and you'll help christianity in america move away from resembling corporate america and start resembling the beloved community.
