here's a look back that should shed some light on exactly how gathered and scatterred this little exercise of mine might get. enjoy.
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I made a mistake today. Big deal, you say? Yes, in fact it was a big deal. This was not your misspelling a word on your grocery list or getting frozen broccoli instead of fresh kind of mistake. Oh no. It was much worse.
I used the wrong urinal.
How does one "use the wrong urinal," you might ask? As long as one uses any urinal and does not relieve one's self on the floor, in the sink, or on another person, hasn't one successfully used the correct urinal? Yes, yes, and yes, but what it comes down to is urinal etiquette.
A simple Google search for "urinal etiquette" will turn up at least a dozen websites with each author's own take on proper usage for the perusal of men seeking to ensure that they always us the correct urinal.
In hindsight, I should have consulted one of these websites, but I thought I knew it by heart. I thought I was prepared for every possible permutation and ration of stalls to urinals, but this one got me, and it was nothing if not common. Maybe I was tired from driving or maybe I was so focused on the Big Mac I was about to consume that I just blanked. Either way, I can't forgive myself, and neither should you.
I walked into the empty bathroom. Along, the right wall just past the sinks were two urinals, on low for boys, one high for men, Past the urinals was a single stall. This common set up gave me pause for some reason. Upon later research it also gives pause to the International Center for Bathroom Etiquette. A distinguished body in the world of urinal etiquette, the ICBE offers explanations on how one should choose a urinal given certain circumstances.
The rule for two urinals is much the same as the rule fro a single, but my situation did not involve to uniform, adult urinals. It was Papa Bear and Baby Bear, and like most men trying to raise a child alone, I was confused. Here's what went through my head.
"Three options. Kiddie urinal. Close to the door. The stall's open, but I just have to pee. I don't want to take up the only stall. I mean it is McDonald's. Other urinal seems like best option, but it's sandwiched (no pun intended) in the middle. Pee.
I stood there thinking for what seemed like too long to make such a decision. I mean, what would it look like if someone were to come in and see me standing some distance from the urinals with my pants fully zipped and my hand on my chin? Would he assume I was crazy and leave? Would he break etiquette and enter into a conversation with me? Would he think he'd mistakenly stopped at Lowe's where it's natural to examine the various toilet options, and not McDonald's where such action is absurd. I wanted to make the right decision. I had a gut feeling (again no pun inten...ok maybe this one was intended) that someone would come in and I would need to be in proper formation. It is McDonald's after all. Billions served, right?
I went for the adult urinal, further assuming that at any point a child could run in needing to relieve himself and get back to the PlayPlace or someone who doesn't frequent McDonald's very often like myself could come in with a terrible need to use the stall. Turns out I was wrong.
Another man walked in simply needing to pee. Given his delay in approaching either option available to him, I could tell he was surveying the landscape. Knowing that urinal etiquette decries the use of adjoining urinals except in extreme situations with more than two available urinals, he properly chose the stall as it provides a buffer.
He shouldn't have had to make such a decision. I should have peed in the other one. ICBE rules for determining the use of a Kiddie urinal show where my mistake was made. According to the ICBE one should, "Never pee next to a Kiddie urinal unless your child is using it," and "Attempt to leave two urinals between you and the Kiddie urinal so that a child and his father might use them."
I broke both statutes. Enough said.
My mistake was over thinking. Had I acted on instinct instead of thought, I would have peed in the Kiddie urinal as it was closest to the door and would allow for the quickest trip and would have given a greater buffer for the two of us. I wish I could go back and pee in the correct urinal, but I can't. Not without Emmett Brown and the DeLorean. Better yet, I should just let it go. We both peed in approved receptacles. We both washed our hands. We both American cuisine at it's finest...Scratch that last one.
What's the big deal? I'll tell you. The big deal is urinal etiquette. And men don't mess around with urinal etiquette.
